Days 55-58 - In my own time

I was going to stop this blog altogether.  Reason being that I realized I was putting pressure on myself to keep it updated and that was counterintuitive to what I have been trying to accomplish here. I've been trying to convince myself to take life more easily.  Not to create arbitrary goals and work for myself.  Not to have the stress.

So I was going to say sayonara when I realized I was doing it again even when I was trying not to do it again.

I need to be better at letting go.  I need to accept that sometimes "giving up" is really the right choice, no matter how hard it might be for me.

But that also shouldn't come at the cost of a good thing - an outlet for me and hopefully others.  A chronicle of an important journey and a chance for me to pen thoughts in real time.

So I am going to give up on daily updates.  (I arguably did weeks ago!)
I'm going to give up on feeling like I have to post and only post because I want to post.
I am going to give up on caring so much about consistency and just say what I wish to say and only if I wish to say it.

Day 20 - Vingt, 3shreen, Hatsuka, Yi-Ship

20 days in.  Wow.  Despite a few setbacks I still feel energized with the program and I can't wait to keep moving forward with it.  I've actually been losing weight and feeling better (minus those damn neck crooks).

Been nice to have my "Goo gir" back again and she is the perfect hot water bottle for the cold winter days.

Today's vitality class was fun.  It is not the most challenging of the power yoga classes, but it has a lot of unique motions that make it a fun practice.  At the end of the practice my dog came to curl up in between my legs during savasana.

I still can't meditate well, but I did get through the full 10 minutes last night (barely), which is actually the first time I've even tried in quite a while.

I'm afraid of tomorrow's gratitude meditation, but I will do my best.  That's all I can hope for.

Days 18 & 19 - Double Your Money

2 posts for the price of one.  Doesn't get better than that?  Reason being - not much exciting to report.  After a day where I was too sick to get out of bed I did manage to bring myself to the mat for Yin Yoga yesterday.  It was just what the Dr. ordered and I honestly started feeling better afterwards.  But just being able to walk around again and get out of bed seemed like a miracle.  Also the mystery neck crook had returned and didn't seem to want to go away anytime soon.

Well the decision point came - do we give up our beloved dog of 4 years or do we try somehow to keep her despite our overly hectic schedules? Our mother-in-law had been taking care of her for the few months leading up to this, but suffered a broken elbow after slipping on the ice when our dog tugged on her.  The irony is I had just been saying to my mother-in-law the day before that we should consider finding the dog another home because it would be a better life for the dog.  Better than receiving two short walks each day and being left alone all day.  Better than being seen as a burden and a chore.  She should be somewhere she can run off lead and be with a family that loves her.  That is in the dog's best interest.  It is also in our best interest because we can relieve ourselves of the commitment.

But after spending a weekend with her a few things happened:

• I saw how loving an animal she is.  She came to curl up with me just like old times, keeping me warm when I was shivering from my illness, laying down outside of my son's room while he slept, and otherwise just being by our side.
• I realized how much my son loves her already.  He chases her around saying "Goo Gir" (good girl) and patting her.  He would feed her kibble by kibble.  The smile on his face is just priceless. What an amazing opportunity it is for him to grow up with the love of animals - something my parents never gave to me or my siblings and something we had to develop (and only some of us did).
• I came to understand that all her "bad behaviors" were really not hers at all, but rather the byproduct of bad ownership on our part.  I was saddened to see everyone else willing to discard her just because she was inconvenient, but all the memories of all the times she had been there for us in the last four years came flooding to me.  

So I decided I could not give up on her.  If she truly was a member of the family, something I always maintained, then I needed to fight for her like I would every other member of this ragtag group I call a family.  The dog stays.

As I wrote this she came into the living room and just jumped into my lap and laid down.  She's a great dog and indeed a "Goo Gir".

So with a clear conscience I awoke this morning and commenced the detox workout.  Partially due to the illness, this was easily the hardest workout I've faced yet and I was sweating buckets, but I made it through and at the time of writing this, I realize I haven't had medicine in nearly 8 hours and I feel great - except for that neck crank.