Days 44 and 45 - Rebalancing for strength

I can't believe it has been a whole week since a man called Bibo did these two workouts with me.  It was really nice to have someone to practice with.  The energy is a whole lot better.

The balance workout is really difficult, but it makes perfect sense why yogis seem to love the balance metaphor for life.  Allowing yourself to try your best, but be comfortable when you fall is a real challenge to the ego.  The important thing is not in whether you fall, but rather in how you respond when you do fall.

For me most of the balancing and falling was spent staring at Meredith's big, round eyes...honestly - quite the pretty lady.

Image courtesy of Flickr.com

Ok...I might have snuck a glance or two at her ample bosom.  I mean seriously folks, did she have to wear something so low cut and stand in the front row?  Torture, especially when you need to focus not to fall.

The balance workout is also a great reminder of how important it is to balance efforts when exercising.  By going 100% you open yourself to injury.  By not working hard enough you won't get results, but by pushing yourself at a good 80% - where you feel it, but it's not too much and recalibrating to remain there you get the best results.

This is really important for me to remember because I am such an extreme person and I tend to believe you do all or nothing.  That is sad because the 80/20 rule seems to be a much more accurate way of living life.

Today's strength workout was fine.  I really am regaining the strength in my back and shoulder, though it is annoyingly still hurting.  My hip is probably out again because last night the pain was pretty bad.  Still, the mornings are getting easier and they used to be the worst and stiffest.  This is one of the longer ones so it will always be challenging and by layering clothes I managed to get a good sweat.

I have only one thing to say to my main man Bibo - "5 more yogi style pushups"

Day 17 - Strength through Sickness

Definitely caught my bros cold.  But it was great to see him nonetheless.  Still.  I'm feeling pretty exhausted and run down.  Last thing you need is a 5 hour flight (with the delays) when you are under the weather and DayQuil really doesn't do what it used to.  That's what I get for trusting in the "no more vitamins or supplements" philosophy that is all the rave now.  I have been sleeping just fine and otherwise keeping very healthy. :-/

Feeling way too tired to complete this post right now so let me leave the usual sarcastic jibes for another day.

Good to see my boy again.  Have an important decision to make this weekend...more on that later.

Day 15 - Backlash

It is as if there was a backlash on my inability to meditate.  Not only did I have a terrible day yesterday, but my mountain of negative thoughts remained with me this morning.  I had to try again and again to get my focus back this morning.  I repeatedly failed, but that's ok.  More negativity than I could muster. I made it through the workout.  With more focus I could have done more, but I worked hard and still managed to get up a sweat.  The best thing is that through the cloud of negativity, bitterness, anger and fear I was feeling I managed to hone in on what I believe is the source of the problem.  I am too unfocused.  I have too many goals and am constantly spreading myself too thinly.

This was a blessing in my younger days as I proved myself capable of taking on challenges.  I also learned, early in life, that the less I have to do, the more miserable I am.  I learned this when taking only 7 credits one semester to get some "down time" while writing (or not really writing) a thesis and attending one class a week.  I spent every day holed up playing Final Fantasy or some RPG and every night with my music groups developing a hatred for singing that would take nearly 10 years to unwind and even when it unwound I never found the pleasure I formerly had.  So the following semester I did the opposite - I loaded up to 20 credits including 3 MBA courses, took leadership positions in student groups, did an internship 20 hours a week in a brokerage and reignited my social life.  It was one of the best times of my life and I never forgot it.

Well that pendulum strikes in both ways indeed.  There are limits and I have surpassed my own.  I need to accept that.  I need to accept that it is ok to try your best and fail.  What is not ok is to keep driving on when you are deeply unhappy.  When you are overwhelmed it does not make sense to stubbornly try and keep juggling everything while the balls drop behind you.  Unfortunately, the easiest solution is to back off of the things that I enjoy in life, but this is not an ideal solution either otherwise all you have is work and misery.  Instead, I need to find a way to minimize the drain of those things that are dragging me down, even if that is a scary path.  However, the key is to implement one change at a time.  When I try to change them all, I will only fail.

I have a lot of reflecting to do and I'm scared.  The fear makes me angry and I run away by continuing to do what I do rather than face the fear head on.  I am hoping to find the courage and strength I need to soldier forward.

Day 10 - No Strength

Ok an overstatement, but still have this crook in my neck and not sure why it is not going again.  That reminds me I need some tylenol - one sec.

Ok I'm back.  Man its hard to stay natural when you are popping tylenol.   On the plus side I haven't caved to the evils of melatonin, energy drinks or increasing my dosage of NoXplode.  You 2 spammer readers as my witness I will be off NoXplode by the end of the first 36 days.

Man - it has taken me all day to write this much.  Not because I'm not motivated, but because work has become insane again.  It really makes me wonder whether I made the right decision.  Definitely something I need to meditate on if I could actually bring myself to meditate.

Despite the title of this post, I actually did have a fair bit of strength today and did well in the workout though Hardcore was only about 50%.  Ok, I'm pretty much passing out while trying to write this and I still need to meditate.  Maybe I try that meditate while trying to get ready for sleep trick again...maybe it will work this time....zzzzz