I enjoyed the gentle yoga today. It really is hard to take a break from the hustle and bustle, but I take it as a huge step forward that I feel as alert and good as I do now despite not having the athletic morning. I had conditioned so many bad habits in my life that I truly began to believe all the negativity that I had thought. I had created and fed myself with bad thoughts. "I can't do it if I don't...", "I'm just not whole without...", "I'm useless before..."
What destructive thoughts. Now I just breathe and know that alertness and awareness will come to me. In truth, I still struggle every morning and I still crave and miss the supplements. The level of goodness in my day never reaches that level of excitement I had before. The feelings of inadequacy continue to well in me. The feelings of failure and insufficiency plague my mind, but it is a process and one I am trying to overcome. This 108 day journey is so much more than a physical journey. It really is a time of self-reflection. I truly hope that this inward acceptance is the first painful step to overcoming and leading a more natural happier healthier life.
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