Geeze - keeping this one short because it has been a horrible day and I'm swamped at work. Lots to do before traveling tomorrow.
Meditation was so crappy today. I just can't do it. My back aches when I try and sit up for so long. I tried Savasana instead, but kept getting anxious and stir crazy (and cold). When asked to give gratitude I could only give bitterness. When asked to give forgiveness I could only give blame. When asked to focus I could only have my mind wander. How did I get to be so far from gratitude? Why is this concept so difficult for me. Trying to be grateful actually makes me angry. I feel a quiet rage instead and just have to bottle it up. I made it through the practice, but it was so painful.
I guess it really set me up for the rest of the day because I ended up having a horrible crazy day - only to realize that there was nothing special about today. Every day is like this, my perspective is just changing. I really need a hard reset.
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